Mondays are my day off and I always have the good intention of writing something on my blog, but lately I have felt very uninspired.
However, today a discussion I had with a friend at work came to mind and I wondered your opinion on the matter...seriously, tell me.
Here goes...during this discussion we chatted about Ex's. You know, the 'dreaded' ex-boyfriend and/or girlfriend of yourself or your current partner.
The discussion lead to the questions of:
1. whether or not it is appropriate to tell your current love, or to have them tell you, that they are forbidden to speak or have contact with the ex.
2. whether or not it is appropriate to continue contact with an ex when you have no real reason to...no real reason meaning that you have no kids together, you have no family connection, you, they, or both of you are married and live separate lives, etc.
What do you think? I wont put my bias on any question just yet. I do, however, have them.
Monday, January 12, 2009
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8 comments:
Hummm I feel weird being the first person to respond but I am up for the challenge..
I think that it is not ok to talk to an ex more than once a year. I only talk to mine once a year and it is by text. Simply because he texts me Merry christmas and that is it. I think it would be kind of weird to talk to them on a regular basis unless your hubby was friends with him or your families were intertwined and there was no way to get away from it. Maybe an email asking how they are doing is ok IF and ONLY IF you tell your spouse and don't try to hide it.
What are your thoughts?
P.s. your word decoder spelled: bed mice
k so i kind of agree with the first comment. i think its not okay to have regular contact, but as far as being forbidden where's the trust? but my in general rule of thumb is how would i feel if my husband chatted regularly with his ex? but then again i think it depends on how serious the realtionship was. i know there is one ex of mine in particular that if i talked to would really bother my hubby, and same with his. now if he ran into her somewhere and said hi and chatted for a bit that wouldn't bother me but anything more than that would. its totally what you and your husband are comfortable with and no one elses opinion at that point matters.
I would say no... the question becomes why do you need to keep in contact with the ex. If you are both in a happy, healthy relationship where you just want to wish the best for each other once in awhile.... maybe. But it's rarely like that. Usually, one or the other is still considering what might have been.
I think that this is a universally challenging question with no right or wrong answer.
I don't believe in forbidding someone to do anything, especially when it comes to significant others because most likely they will continue to do it and just hide it, or hide it better. Also the insecurity and nagginess will just push the other person to do that thing or to that someone. If there is one unattractive thing in a person, it is insecurity.
But mostly I think it is between the two people in the relationship, not to share with the world wide web and let them decide.
Tell Cody I said hi.
Okay...I love that you're blogging about this because I just had a similiar conversation with a friend of mine...
First of all, I don't think the spouse really has the right to forbid you from talking to anyone. No matter who it is, period. That's just messed up. With that said, I don't think it should ever get to the point where they would feel they need to "forbid" you. I personally see no point in keeping in touch with an ex. ESPECIALLY if your significant other doesn't know about it. And if they do know about and are okay with it, than to each his own. I don't keep in touch with ex's...I have no reason to and I don't think it'd be a cool thing for me to do. I know I wouldn't be stoked about Seth talking to any of his. Ah...anyways, bottom line you shouldn't every forbid anyone from talking to an ex, but you in the first place shouldn't keep in touch with them in the first place. It's just wierd.
What are YOUR thoughts??
I think it is a bad idea to keep contact.
I think that it's all right to have contact with an ex as long as your spouse is alright with it. I donno if it's ok to tell your signicant other they're forbidden to see an ex, but if they really love you, I would think they would respect your opinion.
I guess I'll throw in my two cents...it might be long...
First of all, I don't think it is my place to ever tell Cody who he can and can't talk to. I had someone forbidden to talk to me even though I hadn't seen or talked to them in almost a year. His wife even made him call me to tell me that he would never talk to me again...it was really weird.
I do, however, believe that there are and should be boundaries. I think there are very few reasons that a person should be in contact with an ex or their family on a regular basis...more than say 2 or 3 times a year.
Also, the type of contact matters. For example: if the ex is calling/texting that they miss and dream about the person, the contact should probably stop. Especially if the comments are accompanied by negative/hurtful things against the person's spouse...which unfortunately does happen.
I could go on, but I'll stop there. What was most interesting was the person I talked to. her views were very different from mine. It is interesting to see how and why people think certain ways.
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